Tuesday, 13 January 2015

What I have learnt since becoming a single mother



I have now been a single mother for a year and I have only just started feeling very content with my life. The break up of my marriage was a very difficult time, especially knowing that my husband had moved on so quickly after telling me it was over. I had never felt pain like it and I had the added heart break of explaining to my two boys where their step dad had gone. They were devastated and constantly talked about him coming home. They finally stopped asking about him a few months later and I was able to start moving forward, clearing him from my mind. This past year I have learnt so much to help me become independent and cope with living alone. I wanted to share some of my newly learnt life skills which I hope will help other single mothers. 


Confidence

I have never been a confident person and was always known as the shy/quiet one in my group of friends. I would make my husband ring companies if a bill needed to be paid or if we fancied a takeaway that night. Also I wouldn't go to parent evenings on my own as I found the teachers very intimidating. Now I have no choice but to talk to people. I have no one to speak on the phone on my behalf and now I have to just suck it up and attend school matters on my own. The same with children's parties. I would have never attend these on my own as I would be scared to approach the other parents but I don't want my children to miss out so I have to go. 

Strength

Again, as above, I had always been a shy/unconfident person so I wouldn't have been able to handle criticism and would let all negativity get to me. As a single parent I do hear quite a few comments being made but if I let them get to me, I wouldn't do anything! So I no longer listen to them. To quote Taylor Swift 'shake it off'. Also, I have come across many challenges in my first year alone including housing, money, working out childcare to work with my job, trying to have a social life and more importantly trying to insure the children get equal attention/love. I made it through and worked them out which has made me an extremely strong person. 

Acceptance

I have learnt not to stereotype single parents since becoming one myself. Single parents are not 'chavs' or 'benefit scroungers' at all! We are people who had children with a man/woman they loved but unfortunately not all relationships can last forever. People change and separation can be the best solution for all parties involved if they were not happy, especially if they find life more bearable apart. I have accepted that now and looking back on the last few months of my marriage, we were miserable and so were my children. They deserve a happy environment which I hope I am more than providing for them now. I found strength and love from places I didn't know existed and I have easily slotted into the role of both parents. 

Positivity

I think it's very important not to live too much in the past but live in the now, going forward, learning from our mistakes and making the best of our future. I have learnt to deal with emotional upheaval so it doesn't affect my children, I turn the positive around so it overcomes the negative and I deal with loneliness or anger in a positive way. 

Resilience

At first it was a shock to the system and I quickly realised how much I had relied on my partner. I suddenly had to do everything by myself. Hold a job, keep a house, bills paid, entertain the children, keep everyone clean and well fed, the school runs and so on. I surprise myself at times how much I can do. Each day is exhausting but I am getting through each day with a little bit of free time for my favourite hobbies, exercise and blogging.  I just have to keep going and deal with what life brings with an added smile on my face.  

I now love being a single mum and I am definitely not interested in changing our lives right now. We are happy, settled and looking forward to the future. Three is not a crowd, it is the perfect number for us! 



Gem x

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6 comments

  1. What a lovely post, I can't imagine how hard it is to go from a two parent family to being a single mum, but it's lovely to read that you and your boys have adjusted well xx

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    1. Thank so much. We are doing very well. :)

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  2. Ahhh what an inspiring post and so beautifully written. You are an amazing mother. Sounds like you are so brave and strong too. Way to go you and I am glad this year is a more happier easier one for you in terms of emotion. I come from a split family. My mother was single most of my childhood. But I still had an amazing beautiful life that I felt so very loved. Just to tell you from a child's point of view as I was that child.Great tips here and inspiring to so many too. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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  3. Wow!! You are so positive. All the things you said about being shy, not confident, etc, if only you could show this post to you 12 months ago. So inspiring and so pleased you've found your light at the end of the tunnel xx #sharewithme

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  4. The Mother say - One of the most positive posts we had read in ages. We think you are awesome and such an amazing example to your two boys xx #sharewithme

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  5. Hi Lovely, Well you seem to be doing bloody brilliantly if it's only been a year so well done to you. The break-up of my family is the hardest thing I've ever been through but it's made me a stronger, wiser person who doesn't taken anything for granted. I learnt to love my independence too, it became like fresh air to me. You're in control of your wonderful lives, making decisions on how to spend your precious time and it becomes very liberating. I used to think I'd let Seb down a bit sometimes because his parents weren't together but it wasn't my fault so there's no point beating yourself up. See and I actually have such a strong magical bond because we've been on our own and you'll be the same with your boys. I'm actually a little sad to be losing my independence as I get ready to move in with my partner (ok I'm completely and utterly sh*tting myself) but I'm taking a huge leap of faith. It's hard to let go of what I've built on my own but I guess I'll never know if I don't try. The good thing is I'm never scared to be on my own again as you're right, it's pretty awesome. Big hugs Tor xx

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