Friday, 2 January 2015

How to be alone

So I have now been completely alone for five days now. My children are away spending time with their dad and I have the week off work. The only time I have had human interaction this week was for a few hours during New Years eve so I am feeling a little bit lonely right now. I should be used to this by now as the children's father and I have had this arrangement for the past year but I still find it hard. I suffer with social anxiety so I have only one friend who I can't rely on as she has her own life to lead,  my dad lives 50 miles away and my sister is currently on bed rest because she is about to give birth any day now. It is one of my new years resolutions to socialise and make new friends this year but right now I am completely alone. Looking through twitter I have noticed that I am not the only person in this situation. Social anxiety seems to be very common especially amongst the blogging community. Blogging is an outlet for us to get our voice heard without having to deal with face to face contact. We can talk to people but still hide behind our computers so that is probably why anxiety is so common amongst us. 

Anyway, I wanted to write a few help tips on how to be alone and enjoy it. I know I am not the only one you feels like this so I hope this helps. 

Embrace it
"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with" - Wayne Dyer 
Solitude allows time for reflection and valuable time to be able to think about things more deeply. In this crazy, busy world, quiet time/space should be treasured. Also, get things done that you wouldn't be able to do with a house full of people. Take long baths, blast out those songs that no one else likes, dance and sing (who is going to judge you), re-arrange/spring clean the house, write.  The list is endless. 

Still do the things you would normally do with a partner or friend
Get yourself out of the house. Sometimes it isn't the company you are missing, sometimes its boredom. Go on a lunch date with yourself but don't think people are watching you eat alone, it's actually more common than you think. If you are paranoid about people starring then take something with you to do like a book or your laptop. Go see that movie that nobody else wants to watch, don't hold yourself back. 

Time alone is a great way to get lost in that new novel you haven't yet got round to finishing. No one will disturb you. Reading is educational and for me a great distraction from the stresses of life. 

I will presume that the majority of people of people reading this are already part of the blogging community but if you are not, I seriously recommend starting. I was at my lowest point before I started writing on this blog again and I wouldn't have started my recovery from depression without it. I have met so many other bloggers who are in the same situation as me and I really enjoy talking to them on twitter, and the many blogging communities such as Britmums and Mumsnet. Blogging is always amazing to just get everything off your chest and to receive feedback from it. If you are not interested in blogging, find an online community that relates to what you are interested in. There are so many out there. 

When I am alone at home, I feel this is the best time to exercise. I feel like people will laugh at my silly attempts to copy the lady doing burbees on the exercise dvd I got for christmas. Exercise will release all those feel good hormones and is proven to help ease anxiety and depression. If you are feeling brave, join a gym! You may meet some friends there especially if you join in some classes. 

Those are just some ideas which I myself have been following to ease the loneliness when my children are away and all my friends/family are busy. Dealing with loneliness comes with age and life experience, one that everyone has to learn at some point in their lives. There will be days where it will feel like everyone is having fun without you, where no one is answering your calls or messages. We have to learn to not rely on people to entertain us but to learn to entertain ourselves. We have to just 'get on with it' sometimes.

Gem x


  1. Sue AtTheLittleShack3 January 2015 at 04:51

    Hi Gemma! Found you on the #WeekendBlogHop. I'm really glad I did too! It's funny, but this is the 2nd New Years post I have read today on being lonely. I commented on the other one too as I am sort of in the same position. No friends. I tell my kids I am really a hermit or recluse and am quite happy that way. Which I truly am! I find my own company quite enough, along with my cats and dogs. No, I'm not 'that crazy cat-lady', but I do love my critters! I also have 5 wonderful kids and 3 adorable grandchildren. I enjoy being with them and the craziness that happens when we are all together. But, I am also completely content on my own, alone. Just me, myself and I. I love to write, which is why I blog. And I hope others will read what I write and enjoy it. My husband has had the kind of job where we moved around every few years, and I've met people in each of these towns. But, never anything I go out of my way to nurture. I guess because I am happy alone, I don't feel the need to make friends. I have had friends in the past, and maybe one day will make more. But right now, I'm good. Take care!

  2. ghostwritermummy3 January 2015 at 11:51

    I'm sorry you're feeling lonely but it sounds like you have some plans in place. Good luck for 2015! x x

  3. I hope the rest of 2015 has been better for you so far! x

  4. I'm sorry to hear you were feeling lonely, five days is a long time without the kids. I love some time alone and hardly ever get it, however I can imagine its hard if you're in the mood for being with people. Love your ideas. Thanks so much for linking up with Sunday stars xx

  5. These are great ideas for filling your time. I hope they stopped you feeling too lonely.
    I bet you were so happy when your children came home! I guess that is a positive part of them being away is that you cherish them all the more when they come back again.
    Thanks for linking up with #SundayStars

  6. You're doing all the right things doll! I'm a social creature so I don't cope that well on my own. I always look forward to a night on my own when Seb is with his dad and imagine I'll have soak in the bath, paint my nails, read but then when he's gone the house just feels so quiet! I'm a nightmare. Blogging has been such a good thing of me though as I fid I'm putting a lot of my energy and mental thinking into being creative with my blog instead of worrying over things or getting anxious. Great tips, thanks for sharing. xx


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