Friday, 12 June 2015

Five things I worry about as a single mum


While I was standing in the playground today, staring at all the families waiting beside me for their children to finish school, I was struck down with the worry that my children must be sad that they do not have two parents picking them up from school like their friends. It is always just their mum and they have to return home to just little old me. I worry about a lot of things from day to day about how my children might be affected by our situation. I decided to write down five things that I worry about the most as a single mum.


1. Finances

Money is a big issue for all families, not just single parents. However, for me I am petrified that I am not going to be able to continue to give the boys the life they deserve. I am lucky enough to have a  part time job but no job is secure and although I work my hardest, every day I walk into work I have a feeling that my boss is going to tell me he doesn't need me anymore. I need to work to pay the bills, keep food in the cupboards and a roof over our heads. So far in my two years of being single, I have been fortunate to be able to pull through any financial struggles we have faced. The boys are happy, fed and warm without too much of a struggle. There is still that worry though, and there always will be, in the back of my mind where I feel that one day our luck will run out.

2. What if I fall ill or worse?

I can't bare to think what would happen to the children if something happened to me. I don't have any childcare available and the children's dad lives five hours away in the north of England. I worry what would happen if I suddenly find myself being rushed off to hospital while the children are at school. Who will be there to pick them up? How will they react when their mummy isn't at the school gates? The thought of this just brings shivers down my spine. Where would they go if I wasn't around anymore? I can't go into it, but I know their dad is not in the right situation at the moment to have them on a permanent basis. I hope and pray that I will be around for my boys for a very long time.

3. Am I good enough? 

Most days I feel like I am doing a fairly good job at raising my children but there are those days where I feel that maybe they would be better off with their dad. Sometimes it all gets a little too much; the messy house, the tantrums, the fighting, being told i'm hated after a punishment, the occasional teachers meetings over poor work/bad behaviour, and so on. Then there is the lack of money, the small house we live in and the lack of energy I sometimes suffer due to my health. I try my best and I really hope that is enough to raise two great members of society with happy childhood memories.

4.  The lack of male influence

The children do see their dad but only when they are on their school holidays. However, I am worried that they are not getting enough interaction with their dad. The majority of their time is spent with me, my sister, or my friends (all girls). We rarely come across any men unless granddad is down to visit for the weekend. I worry that they will soon need a man to do man things with. Such as playing football, fishing, wrestling, talking about girls etc.

5. How am I going to do it all?

Most days I am so overwhelmed by all the things that need doing each day and without any help. It is up to me to ensure the bills are paid, the house is in order, there is money on the electricity/gas meter, food in the cupboards, clothes are washed, all while working a job and raising two boys. The boys are now old enough to join a few after school activities and they currently take part in karate together. That is easy enough to take them too, however, one now wants to play rugby and the other football. Both are on sundays mornings and in different locations. I will have to figure out which one I will stay and watch without the other feeling sad that I am not there on the sidelines. I am only one person and its exhausting. 



I know most of you will be able to relate to my concerns even if you are not a single parent. We all worry about things and that ok, we are parents and that is what parents do. I refuse to let worry ruin my days and focus on everything that is good in our life. I am happy being a single mum and not looking to bring a partner into our family right now even though it is exhausting trying to do everything myself. I just have to keep going and know that everything is going to be ok. 

Mums' Days
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12 comments

  1. I think about these same things. I think it's in Mom DNA. Your boys are lucky to have someone who loves them like you do!

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  2. These are all completely natural worries, and to be honest I think couple parents often worry about many of the same things such as finances, illness etc. I grew up without my Dad around but my Mum was always there with a big double helping of love which more than made up for it. I'm sure you're doing just great x

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  3. My heart went out to you when reading this. And you're right that even non-single parents have similar worries. but as someone who used to be a single mother I have to say that they are more relative when you are on your own.

    I will say for the male influence thing, that this was something people always asked me about. I was lucky in that my dad, brother and later my now-husband were around for my oldest. But even if they hadn't been, I can see now that it wouldn't have been the end of the world. For a start, some of the best men I know grew up in all-female environments. But there are more male teachers these days, clubs such as football are often run by men who aren't just there because they like football but because they are great with the kids too, and your boys are in a good position because they also have one another.

    Above all, be kind to yourself. How can you do everything? You can't. But you can do the important things, and as long as you cover them the other things can wait until you've had a cuppa and some peace and quiet!

    #pocolo

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  4. Thank you for sharing your worries so honestly, I don't have children but honestly take my hat off to anyone who is a parent when there are two, let alone when there's just one of you. Strangely enough my Mum became a single parent when I was 22 after her and my dad split up. Not the same at all since I was a fully grown adult but they had such a volatile and horrible relationship that I wish they'd split up when I was little because I have no reference of what a normal, loving relationship is apart from the one I have with my husband. Keep doing what you're doing, you're great X

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  5. Awww such an honest post Gemma. I dont have the answers to his worries but I can tell that you are a good mother and I think that that is what matters most. #pocolo

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  6. Oh bless you. Such an honest post. I can kind of relate. My eldest has a different dad to my second. I am with my 2nd daughters dad(have been for 4 years) and I feel sly on my eldest because I just feel so guilty.
    A great honest post x

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  7. Oh sweetie, this is such an honest post and don't think that you are alone in those thoughts, we all have them I promise. Me and the other half have often said how in awe we are of single mums - we genuinely just don't know how you do it...we struggle and there's two of us. You are doing a wonderful job lovely lady and you should be very proud of yourself :) xx

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  8. Such an honest and powerful post, and you are definitely not alone. I don't have any answers, but I think that you have a great strength in you, and the love that you have for your children shines through. You are doing better than you think xx

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  9. This is a lovely post. I am a newly single mum. I think the thing I worry about most is whether my child will be happy, whether he will look at other kids in the playground who have two parents who love each other and wonder why he is the unlucky one. I love him more than anything, as does his Dad, we just don't love each other anymore. I don't know how you explain this to a young child.

    I think you are a wonderful Mum though. Your love, strength and determination shines through. You are a great role model to your kids. Good luck xx

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  10. I hear ya! I think about these things all the time too although I am blessed to have my parents around me and they play a huge role in S's life, especially my dad (father figure). But everything else feels the same. #TheList

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  11. Gemma I felt so emotional reading this. You are a fab mother im sure as you always desire to be great for your boys and work so hard to build a great life for them. Im sure things will all work out somehow, that your boys will grow up with a respect and admiration for women because of your influence and the world needs more respectful men.
    Ive said before I dont think I could do it alone, I struggle when there's 2 of us, but I don't think that my kids will ever have both of us pick them up as im hoping Dad will always be at work at that time haha x

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  12. You are such a strong, inspiring woman. having the weight of the world, or more importantly, yours kids, on your shoulders could cause crippling fear and certainly depression. I think it is natural to have these worries but as you say, you can't let it consume you. You are strong enough and to answer your question you are DEFINITELY good enough. I respect you so much, I can't believe how much you have to do on your own - surely there must be some sort of support network you could turn to if it does all become too much? Somewhere to get things in perspective and help prioritise your time?? Thanks for linking up to #TheList xx

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