Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Why I don't regret having children.

Growing up, I always told myself I wasn't going to get married and have children. Witnessing my parents break up scarred me to the point I didn't believe in love or that I could ever have a happy family. I was quite happy to concentrate on getting a career, my cottage by the sea, a few dogs and a nice car ending with my happy ever after, alone. My dreams started well. I somehow managed to get into the Royal air force, pass out of training and land myself a great job in the beautiful Lincolnshire. I was on top of the world and with so many close friends. I was really enjoying life and experiencing so much that my friends back home would never have the opportunity to witness. However, It was only two years into my first posting that my world changed. I met a guy who was quite persistent and wouldn't take no for an answer. There was numerous times I told him I was not interest in a relationship with him but I was young and weak to the point I gave in too easily. He moved himself in and soon enough I was pregnant with Alfie. I will be honest and say I really wish, knowing what I know now, I didn't give in to him but Alfie is a beautiful gift and I definitely don't regret him. I managed to continue in my role in the air force as they have a pretty decent childcare centre on base but it wasn't long till Tom was born and I had to reconsider if I could carry on in the military. I separated from their dad when Tom was born due to reasons I can't explain on here so I ended up a single mother working full time in the Royal air force. The military expect you to go overseas at a drop of a hat which definitely was impossible for me to do especially as my family couldn't take in my children for 6 months at a time. It would be unfair. Besides, the childcare fees were so expensive that I was literally working to pay them. What was the point? I couldn't afford childcare and I was letting my bosses down at work because I couldn't do what they expected of me with two young children. I handed in my notice and uniform, left all my friends and moved back home to a place where I would have to start my life all over again. Some would say having children ruined my life/career. That isn't how I feel, having children is the greatest gift I have ever received. 

On to my list: Even though I never expected to have children, I have gained so much from having them.  I wanted to write down the reasons why I could never regret bringing my boys into the world. 

1.  Love

You never know true feelings of love until you become a parent. I have been in love with a man which was strong but came after a long friendship. With children, it is instant. You may argue this as some of my friends would who claim to have experienced 'love at first sight'. Maybe it exists, maybe love towards a partner is a completely different type of love to that towards your child. There is something more magical about the love you feel for your children though. That first you hold them time when the midwife throws them onto your chest and they slowly look up and stare into your eyes. From that moment, I vowed to do anything to protect them and to do my best to give them the happy life they deserved. 

2. Growing up fast 

When I had the boys, I changed in many ways. I suddenly had two humans to keep clean, fed and more importantly alive. I could barely manage to look after myself in my single days, relying on my dad to bail me out of many situations. I used to go out every single night without fail, shop every saturday, spend weekends away with friends, and embarrassingly take washing home to dad. Also, I didn't think so then, but I was an extremely selfish person. It's strange when your children are born. I instantly changed into this mature selfless person who managed to cook something other than beans, work a washing machine, and could make bottles one handed while half asleep. Presently, I am learning that my kids are observing my every move. They look up to me so its important I set a good example to them by keeping up with my maturity and setting them on the right path in life. 

3. The joy and happiness they bring into my life

Kids do the strangest things and I never thought I could be so entertained by their silly ways. In my boys case, it's running around the living room laughing at the same joke for an hour. Any other person would be irritated by this but their giggles brings me so much happiness. Also, Thomas and Alfie have begun to show an interest in dancing and singing but they choose the cheesiest of songs, like Meghan Trainor's All about that bass. I could watch them for hours break dancing on the floor and jumping about. I especially find it hilarious when they start dancing to supermarket music. Kids don't care what people think of them which I really admire. My most favourite form of entertainment is not the television, it's not my laptop or my phone, it's watching my children learn, grow and use their imaginations. They are amazing little people and I am so grateful for them. I can never say I am lonely with these two around. 

4. The busy lifestyle 

Having young children is hard. There is rarely a moment that I have time to myself to just sit quietly with my thoughts. I work while they are at school and when we are home there is always washing to be done, toys to be put away, clubs to attend, cooking, homework and so on. Life with two boys is hectic but I love it. I hate being bored and I don't like to be alone with my thoughts so I am so grateful to lead the life I do. I have suffered with depression since I was 13 so I need to keep as busy as possible. If it wasn't for my children, I'm pretty sure the depression would have won. They make me happy and are the best distraction from the negative thoughts I might be experiencing. 

5. Having a mini you. 

Your children look like you, say the same phrases, copy your actions and share your same likes/dislikes. I find the way my boys mimic their father fascinating. When they return from spending time with him, its like they stole his soul or something. I cant quite put my finger on it. They stand like him and repeat his catch phases, probably without noticing what they are doing. The children have my looks but share their fathers personalties so they are a mini me of both of us. I think it is a beautiful thought that when we die, we will still have a piece of ourselves left on earth within our children, our grandchildren and so on. 

In my teen years I was convinced I was never going to be maternal and settle down. I actually avoided most occasions where I would be forced to be around children. I never expected or dreamed I would ever be in the situation I am in now but no one can predict their lives right? I don't regret my children, they are my best friends and my greatest achievement in life. I have never felt so much love for another living creature which I think only a parent could understand. 

Gem x
Mums' Days



  1. This is all so true! Such hard work at times but the investment is more than worth it. Kids enrich life like no other x

  2. Odd Socks and Lollipops27 February 2015 at 11:31

    I was also adamant that I wasn't going to have children when I was growing up, but Boo is the best thing ever, (my husband is ok I suppose too hehe!) My life is totally not where I would expect it to be, and my little family of the three of us is amazing and I have never felt happier!

  3. From Mamma With Love27 February 2015 at 14:17

    This is a really lovely post and beautifully written, brought a tear to my eye #TheList x

  4. Yellowbelly Mummy - Kate Chapman27 February 2015 at 20:27

    A great post - beautifully written. I'm a Lincolnshire Yellowbelly born and bred - lovely to hear you singing out county's praises! #WeekendBlogHop

  5. YES! While this experience has been hard and stressful and EXHAUSTING, I don't regret having my little one :) great post!

  6. you baby me mummy28 February 2015 at 23:50

    Such a gorgeous post, filled with love. Children are a true gift. Thanks for linking up to #TheList x

  7. This is such a lovely post and I agree with it all! I could watch my son for hours and he constantly makes me laugh, he is so much like his daddy at time its scary.
    #thelist xx


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